SACRAMENTO, CA – The California EPA announced Tuesday that the state of California was slowly slipping away from the mainland. “Good. About goddamn time,” commented independence advocate Manuel Wittenburg. He later said that “immigrants should go back to Mexico.” And yes, he had yellow hair, was over 70, and had a thick NYC accent. Remind you of anyone?

The new “California Isle” would only be a tad bit smaller than the Great Lakes combined, with a large “Sierra Straits” (or the current San Joaquin/Sacramento Rivers) separating it from the Mainland. Oregon would have a southern port in the city of Medford, Nevada’s borders would be extended to Visalia in the west, and Barstow in the south.