In the final weeks of the US general election, we will recap what happens every so often.
SCRANTON, PA – On Monday, Vice President Joe Biden visited his hometown of Scranton to gather votes for him. But, sadly, he took his GPS’ instructions too literally and drove his car into Lake Scranton. Local media are calling it a “Joe-saster”, which is one of the worst portmanteaus of our time. The GOP is stating that “Joe’s all wet, he can’t run!” which is technically valid, as the constitution does not state anything about the president driving into a lake.
BALTIMORE, MD – Urban residents are now filling out absentee ballots for their hometowns in droves, even though the Washington Post states “half of them don’t know what town they’re voting for.” We sent Radish investigators to the polling booths of Baltimore to ask people if they filled out the ballot randomly. “I filled out an absentee ballot for some random rust belt town in Ohio. Not sure the name, I think it was Johnson…or Jamestown? Jingle Bells maybe? No goddamn clue.” 27-year-old Melinda Gillespy told The Radish. “There was this question about a #@&^ing clock tower that I don’t give a single piece of &^*$ about and whether it needed to be fixed. The only two arguments were from the mayor and a hobo.” Yet another instance that US voting should be fixed. Back to-wait this isn’t live.
These are just 2 stories that occured during The Final Weeks of the 2020 Election.