This article is an adaptation of an article from the John Journals, initially published January 6, 2016.

PENSACOLA, FL – A Taco Bell franchise claims to have accidentally successfully tested an H-bomb at 10pm on Tuesday, 2 days before the owner’s birthday. The explosion occurred in the handicap stall in the men’s restroom, and the force was so strong that it knocked an entire stack of Crunchwrap Supremes off the counter in the kitchen (10 second rule)

The nighttime manager stated that when he was asked whether they should detonate an H-bomb, he thought the “h” referred to the word “hot sauce,” and he’s sticking to his story. Obviously he did not graduate high school; he tried to get his GED but failed miserably.

Experts are skeptical because the size and breadth of the explosion appears to be similar to the ones experienced by millions of unsuspecting customers every year.

Patrons who witnessed the explosion describe a scene of total terror. Many rushed to try and and help by building a giant mountain of toilet paper over the epicenter in an attempt to contain the radiation. Sadly all of them died an excruciating death in the process.

The CEO of Taco Bell released a statement to the families of victims expressing his condolences and offering a free drink coupon to each family, good until the end of the month.