TAMPA, FL – The Super Bowl is set to kick off today, so The Radish, whose head writer doesn’t know shit about sports but yet still pretends to, is doing a live update thread. Football fans, enjoy the shitshow. Watch it here.
All times listed in PT, as that’s where I’m writing from.

THIS IS THE END OF THE THREAD.

7:12 PM | alr its over tampa won GOODBYE ALL SEE YOU ON THE INTERNET

7:05 PM | oh cool its almost over finally

6:33 PM | what is happening this is so boring

6:26 PM | πŸ¦€ kc is gone πŸ¦€

6:24 PM | mariokart

6:18 PM | the third fraction is here

6:12 PM | something is happening. i do not know.

6:07 PM | THEY HAVE THE CYBERTRUCK AND THE FOUR SEASONS LANDSCAPING IM DYING

6:05 PM | hi tracy

6:01 PM | damn this just got dark

5:58 PM | someone got another point

5:57 PM | pepsi

5:52 PM | they did a wayne’s world parody pog

5:51 PM | i was playing games what up

5:46 PM | the third fraction has started

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5:42 PM | craig robinson again

5:41 PM | to the place i belong

5:38 PM | lens flare crazy

5:36 PM | i dont feel it coming

5:33 PM | something you dont hear everyday: Tampa is the most important city in america right now

5:31 PM | YO REDDIT MADE A FIVE SECOND AD WHAT THE FUCK IM DYING

5:26 PM | im back

5:24 PM | imma get a snack

5:22 PM | ALRIGHT I HAVE TO REPORT THIS. I thought that thing from SNL about the slime was a joke. Oh god. Oh no.
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5:16 PM | two fractions have passed, time for ads

5:15 PM | kc is fucked i think

5:14 PM | another egg has gone through a metal thing

5:14 PM | what does a penalty do

5:12 PM | someone got a point

5:12 PM | B R U H

5:11 PM | bruh

5:10 PM | please no more time outs i want to watch the ads

5:09 PM | man apparently was pushed

5:09 PM | man trips on air

5:08 PM | help who are these people

5:06 PM | social distance please

5:05 PM | nvm i cant read

5:04 PM | two fractions have ended

5:02 PM | stop insulting my soap

5:02 PM | a ball has gone through a metal thing

5:00 PM | a man has been strangled

5:00 PM | a man has run out of bounds. i wonder what they are saying.

4:59 PM | country roads take me home. also toyota has a shit motto.

4:58 PM | man and his dog fight over a sweatshirt great

4:57 PM | hey where did everyone go. oh hey its the turbotax guy

4:56 PM | the talk people are laughing.

4:55 PM | He is dead.

4:54 PM | Another man is running out of the field.

4:53 PM | A man is running. Oh, he might have died.

4:50 PM | Alright. I promise. Updates every 5 min.

4:20 PM | Apologies for the wait! From now until the end, it will be every five minute updates.

1:30 PM | Waiting for the Dogecoin ad later today. $DOGE TO THE FUCKING MOON πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€!