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The Radish is back. Sorta.

So hey. It’s been two months, and my “break” has ended. Finally have good ideas for once. And also saw a poor sap donate on patreon (which you can do here). New articles every week starting this week. Danke!

BREAKING: Attacking Asians-Americans doesn’t cure you of coronavirus

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – A recent study by Stanford shows that assaulting Asian-Americans walking around doesn’t cure you of Coronavirus. This breaking announcement was met by violent backlash on Twitter, where all the racist motherfuckers go after their anti-mask parades. That backlash was also met with violent backlash from @TheBunkerGang, an account made up of […]

Motive of Boulder Mass Shooting still unclear

Authorities have not yet released any information about a possible motive behind Monday’s shooting at a grocery store in Boulder, Colorado, that left 10 people dead. The 21-year-old suspect has been charged with 10 counts of first-degree murder. The victims he is accused of killing were between the ages of 20 and 65. Among them was a […]

Antisocial man “willing to go outside”, according to sources

RALEIGH, NC – John Graveneert, a staunch emo kid and antisocial ambassador, has reportedly stated that he was “willing to exit his house” as long as “his neighbors weren’t blasting music into his wall for 25 hours a day”. He also stated that “he had a gun” and was “willing to shoot unless we left”. […]

Child naruto runs into fire truck in Wyoming

FORT COLLINS, CO – Another day, another Wyoming incident. Let’s look into it. A child reportedly naruto ran into a goddamn firetruck in Wyoming after a “therapist session gone wrong”. First off, how do we know that Wyoming has therapists? How do we know that the Fort Collins Medical Group didn’t make up the state […]

Florida man accidentally burns down house during Fahrenheit 451 re-enactment

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – Fort Lauderdale Fire Department reported Sunday that the recent fire near city center has been suppressed. They stated that the fire was likely caused by its current tenant, a book enthusiast by the name Mr. Jacob Pilbury, inviting his also drunk friends over at two in the morning for a reenactment […]

How Pro-Trump Forces pushed an Antifa Lie:

Editor’s note: this article was written with a lot of anger in mind; welp. On social media, on cable networks and even in the halls of Congress, supporters of Donald J. Trump tried to rewrite history in real time, pushing the fiction that left-wing agitators were to blame for the violence on January 6th. Rioters […]

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