All of the Radish, on this page
Hey It’s been a while since i’ve written anything here. A really long while. for the remainder of this month i’ll update this page regularly with news/things of interest. radishnews.net is back. ((for the time being)) -verysmallbrains
WASHINGTON – The Federal Reserve has stated that there isn’t inflation (source), and that’s great and all, but they also said that there is inflation. So that begs the question: For fuck’s sake, is there inflation or not? Spoiler: we do not know either. Inflation. What is inflation? Is this inflation? What about this? Inflation, […]
Business Insider recently published a wildly controversial article titled “Admit it. Grilling is bad,” enraging grillers, overweight middle aged parents, and centrists nationwide with their slanderous opinions on the most American sport out of all. “This is absolute madness. We can’t let some snobby city-folk infringe on OUR American values!” an executive at the National […]
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – A recent study by Stanford shows that assaulting Asian-Americans walking around doesn’t cure you of Coronavirus. This breaking announcement was met by violent backlash on Twitter, where all the racist motherfuckers go after their anti-mask parades. That backlash was also met with violent backlash from @TheBunkerGang, an account made up of […]
MIAMI, FL – Florida’s COVID stats have been fluctuating for the past few weeks at a too close to call situation, between total lockdown and partial reopening. The Supreme Court has been called in to decide who wins the 2021 “Should we wear masks?” Election. Governor Ron DeSantis has been blamed for sending advisors to […]
Authorities have not yet released any information about a possible motive behind Monday’s shooting at a grocery store in Boulder, Colorado, that left 10 people dead. The 21-year-old suspect has been charged with 10 counts of first-degree murder. The victims he is accused of killing were between the ages of 20 and 65. Among them was a […]
RALEIGH, NC – John Graveneert, a staunch emo kid and antisocial ambassador, has reportedly stated that he was “willing to exit his house” as long as “his neighbors weren’t blasting music into his wall for 25 hours a day”. He also stated that “he had a gun” and was “willing to shoot unless we left”. […]
FORT COLLINS, CO – Another day, another Wyoming incident. Let’s look into it. A child reportedly naruto ran into a goddamn firetruck in Wyoming after a “therapist session gone wrong”. First off, how do we know that Wyoming has therapists? How do we know that the Fort Collins Medical Group didn’t make up the state […]
ATLANTA, GA – Following the mass shooting in Atlanta and the police who can’t figure out even one fucking way to avoid disaster, while having thousands, 33-year-old career racist Randy Burke decided to test his theory that he can get away with any crime just by claiming he had a bad day. Mr. Burke reportedly […]
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